Sunday, January 10, 2010

Red Toe Nail Polish

I haven't painted my toenails in more than three months. This may sound like something completely trivial and nonsensical to the average person, but this is fairly significant for me. I haven't gone this long without toe nail polish since 7th grade. Heck, I don't think I've gone longer than 24 hours without toenail polish since then. This extended period without color on my toes has not yet relieved me of the distaste and embarrassment I feel when someone stares at my toes, but rather, I feel that this has great significance on a different aspect of who I am.
The last three months, since probably the mid to end of October, something radically different has been evolving in me. Some would say that my college graduation is starting to pay off but I think it's something more than that. I feel like my brain has expanded, that I've finally begun to learn something more than just how to write a ten page pager in a week or what it means to skim a 600 page book in two hours. Or even beyond creating a calendar for our first year in ministry or learning some financial ratios. I feel like the intelligence that has been hiding inside for all these years has finally begun to surface. Like I finally found something worth studying. Something of great significance that also takes the depth of my knowledge and research skills. Something that pairs my love for children with my curiosity about life and God while delving into the practicality about what they all have to do with each other. This semester I will embark on a journey to write a book about the eternal destiny of children who die. Scary and strange and overwhelming, but I'm quite excited.
All of this brings me back to the toenail polish. While I've been obsessed and consumed by this project for the last three months, I've done nothing but process and ponder about the subject at hand. It feels as though I have experienced a growing apathy toward everything but this destiny. This is of great concern to me. I've been around the ever-practical Business Majors and also the absent minded Theology Majors in my time at the Forge. Out of both necessity and challenge, this semester, I will attempt to be both. I will attempt to blog about the depth of the need for my toes to be painted but also actually pain my toenails. I'm excited and terrified for all that this final semester will hold, hopefully beginning with a fresh coat of red toe nail polish.

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